Weddings are a time of celebration and unity for the couple and their families. There are formal rules that must be followed in Western weddings, including the division of genders in the wedding party, the bride’s family paying for the entire wedding and throwing the bouquet and garter to the crowd. Some of these rules are overrated and outdated, thankfully many couples are deciding to break away from these traditional rules for their wedding and doing what they want to do.
The average cost of a wedding in 2023 was $30,119, with food and drinks being the most expensive part at $8,176. The second most expensive part of the wedding is the venue itself, averaging around $5,761. Instead of renting out expensive venues, couples can choose to get married at a courthouse, which costs on average $120 and use the leftover money to put towards the honeymoon or any other needs.
Another very costly part of the wedding is the wedding dress, costing on average $1,800 to $2,500. However, for a customized dress, it can cost up to $10,000. Wedding dresses should not be mandatory for weddings and the individuals should be able to choose what they want to wear, especially if they do not want to fork out thousands of dollars on something they will wear once.
For the wedding reception there was a long time rule that there had to be division of genders in the wedding party. The couple should have whoever they want in their wedding party regardless of their gender. A bridesman and a best woman should be normalized in weddings, as should mixed gender wedding parties. Many couples are now having mixed gender wedding parties, foregoing the outdated tradition. Rightfully so, as they are now able to be inclusive in their wedding party and not leave a loved one out because of their gender.
Second, the bride’s parents pay for the entire wedding. It is the couple’s day of celebration, not just the bride’s, so why should her parents pay for all of it? Both families should be responsible for paying for the wedding, especially in regards to the catering and venue, the most expensive aspects of a wedding. Now it is more common for the couple to split the entire cost of the wedding, not leaving the bride’s family paying for it.
Third, throwing the bouquet and garter to the crowd. These acts are supposed to bestow luck upon the guests of the reception; however, the reason is outdated. In history, single women were desperate to catch the bouquet because they saw that marriage was the only way to get out of poverty for their family. Now, it is seen as just a fun act to do at a wedding. Throwing the garter should be done away with. The groom goes under the bride’s dress and takes off her garter either with his hands or teeth and throws it into the crowd of single men. They make a show out of this act that sexualizes the bride, which can be uncomfortable for onlookers and the bride herself. There should be other methods instead of throwing the garter to give good luck to the single males of the wedding reception, such as throwing a football or a stuffed animal with money attached to it.
Another niche rule of weddings that should be done away with is the couple not being able to ask for cash gifts. This makes no sense because if the couple is already moved in together, they most likely have household appliances that are normally given as wedding gifts. They can use the cash gift towards their honeymoon or vacations.
Another expectation is that there has to be a wedding cake, the price of which is around $500. Why can there not be other desserts like cupcakes or cookies? And why can the couple not make their own cake? It obviously would not be as high quality as a professionally-made cake, but it will save the couple hundreds of dollars and allow them to have a memorable experience together before their wedding.
The rules of traditional weddings are not conducive to the 21st century and should be changed to fit with the times. Many couples are now changing the norm and doing what they want for their wedding. However, this change took too long to happen.
The couple should be able to choose what they want to do at their own wedding and not feel pressured to follow the outdated wedding rule book. Doing what the couple actually wants to do in their own wedding can create their own unique wedding experience and hopefully save them thousands of dollars to be used for other things.
LHB • Apr 25, 2024 at 7:46 am
I enjoyed this read. My wedding was very untraditional – we had “two weddings”. We got married in a little church in my home state and had a smaller fancier reception so my family who couldn’t travel could be there. Then, we had a reception in NC and threw a big party for extended family, friends, and everyone else. It was roughly 30 something for both and my parents paid for the out of state ceremony/reception and my partners parents paid for the reception in NC. (I’m not shy to say that since we threw two for the price of one however, we did get lucky we were the last couple to get COVID pricing on the food for the 1st one). – We did ask for cash/monetary gifts because, we had been moved in together for nearly 5 years. – I did make a short registry with some items we didn’t have like a blender, hand held vacuum, a camping tent, etc. We probably received 1/4 gifts 3/4 cash/checks/gift cards.
We also did not do a garter toss we thought it was weird to have people watch my partner go up dress to get it. Weird. So, we just threw a bouquet but everyone regardless of gender, identity, single or not anyone was welcome to try and catch it. We had the DJ explain it was for Good Luck and future abundance in whatever variation matched the catcher. My friends are fantastic and they all stepped back to let my sister (who was getting engaged a few months later she just didn’t know it yet) catch it! It was so cute. I didn’t ask them to do it they just did.
There is one tradition (you may have mentioned it but my ADHD skips things sometimes) – thank you cards for literally all aspects of the wedding. Thank You cards for the engagement party, the bridal shower, the wedding, etc, – not only to me is it so much waste of paper/plastics but, why bother with letting guests leave a wedding with favors that say “thanks for attending”? You also go around the reception thanking everyone for coming. In my opinion I feel as though guests should know by default they are appreciated. It seems almost rude that guests want an additional thank you later, and that it makes certain folks feel “some kind of way” if they don’t receive one. It’s a wedding not a gift competition.
It is also possible and acceptable in my opinion to send E-cards/Emails/social posts with just as beautiful personal touches without the waste.
It’s also possible to give life update cards/holiday cards to friends and family instead. We did this instead of traditional “Thank Yous.” (I got so tired of hand writing cards lol.)
We had holiday cards printed with photos from the last 6 months, a short life update letter on the back of the card, and small personal notes in the envelope. They have been treated more like keepsakes by those who received them which was nice to hear over a traditional thank you card being tossed after awhile.
Every couple should be entitled to celebrate with what suits them best. It’s not about everyone else it’s about them. Traditions can be broken, new ones can be made, etc,. Weddings are about celebration and fun after all! We had an absolute blast at ours.
Michael Smith • Apr 23, 2024 at 7:52 am
While there are wedding traditions that are followed you fail to grasp one option: no wedding couple is bound by these traditions and have the option to do as they please. That being said none of the traditions you stated are carved in stone.