The Student News Site of Appalachian State University

The Appalachian

The Student News Site of Appalachian State University

The Appalachian

The Student News Site of Appalachian State University

The Appalachian

Newsletter Signup

Get our news delivered straight to your inbox every week.

* indicates required

6 ways to get the most out of campus sidewalks

I have learned a great deal during my years at Appalachian State University, but there is one concept that I have yet to master: sidewalks. I find myself darting around unexpected life events and phenomena that occur on the sidewalks, and I have come to the conclusion that I am simply using them improperly. Here is my interpretation of the six best uses of a sidewalk:

1. The sidewalk offers the best cellphone reception.

Only on the sidewalk can one receive a signal strong enough to experience the sensations of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and last-minute emails from professors. One cannot help but allow their head to fall victim to the gravitational pull of a cellphone.

2. Bikes and skateboards are the safest and most efficient mode of transportation.

Evolutionarily disadvantaged, bipedal strollers always seem to be in the paths of superior transport vessels. Amid hundreds of casual walkers, cyclists trudge wholeheartedly toward their far-away destinations. What could be more effective than biking in limited space?

3. Reuniting with old friends.

It is inevitable that your high school class president will not plan your first high school reunion. It will occur on the sidewalk when you least expect it. Make sure to reserve as much room as possible because there are bound to be a few excited leaps off of the retaining wall. Don’t mind the passersby. They’re just jealous.

4. Taking advantage of the BFF side-draft.

Side-drafting is a phrase used in auto racing to describe the phenomenon of two cars driving side-by-side and sharing the same low-pressure air bubble and, thus, going faster. Utilizing this technique on a narrow sidewalk will provide a greater bond between two friends. Simply walk two- or three-wide to maximize the use of the decreased air pressure and ensure that nobody will slingshot around you and beat you to class.    

5. A sidewalks is the ideal tool to help assert dominance.

For those of us who are relatively small in stature, a slim sidewalk can become a coliseum fit for gladiator-style displays of dominance. Simply place yourself in the middle of the walking path and don’t move for anyone. Your unsuspecting opponent will shrink beneath you and surrender their space to you, the rightful owner.

6. Philosophizing on the innate beauty of a brick comprised of both an octagon and a square.

Just look at it. You might spend hours trying to completely understand how two different shapes can join in harmony to form a seamless, symmetrical and awe-inspiring mural of epic proportions.

Mullis, a senior criminal justice major from Wallburg, is an opinion writer.

Leave a Comment
Donate to The Appalachian
$1065
$5000
Contributed
Our Goal

We hope you appreciate this article! Before you move on, our student staff wanted to ask if you would consider supporting The Appalachian's award-winning journalism. We are celebrating our 90th anniversary of The Appalachian in 2024!

We receive funding from the university, which helps us to compensate our students for the work they do for The Appalachian. However, the bulk of our operational expenses — from printing and website hosting to training and entering our work into competitions — is dependent upon advertising revenue and donations. We cannot exist without the financial and educational support of our fellow departments on campus, our local and regional businesses, and donations of money and time from alumni, parents, subscribers and friends.

Our journalism is produced to serve the public interest, both on campus and within the community. From anywhere in the world, readers can access our paywall-free journalism, through our website, through our email newsletter, and through our social media channels. Our supporters help to keep us editorially independent, user-friendly, and accessible to everyone.

If you can, please consider supporting us with a financial gift from $10. We appreciate your consideration and support of student journalism at Appalachian State University. If you prefer to make a tax-deductible donation, or if you would prefer to make a recurring monthly gift, please give to The Appalachian Student News Fund through the university here: https://securelb.imodules.com/s/1727/cg20/form.aspx?sid=1727&gid=2&pgid=392&cid=1011&dids=418.15&bledit=1&sort=1.

Donate to The Appalachian
$1065
$5000
Contributed
Our Goal

Comments (0)

All The Appalachian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *