Shame is a powerful tool used by many to manipulate and control the masses. Whether it be a politician, or your next door neighbor, we as humans exist in societies and structures that use shame to intimidate and corral people.
Shame has been a pervasive sickness in human nature that has been seen since the dawn of time. Public humiliation has even been used as a method to distribute punishment in nationalized states like Russia, China, and Western countries since the Middle Ages.
This varied from the use of pillory to public branding, all to send a message to the public that this is what happens to those who disobey. These public humiliations were used to make someone feel less-than and put them down to below any social status. Public humiliation led to intense feelings of shame and self-hatred.
Yet public shaming has become not so much a punishment, but a constant in our society. Shame “centers on your very identity as a person,” it attacks who you are. It attacks the human need to belong and be understood. People use shame to make others feel lesser because of whatever reason. Whether it be because their clothes or hair are different, or they speak differently, deviating from the norm is punished in our society.
Why is shame so pervasive and powerful? To punish someone and make them feel like less than a person should only be used sparingly, and definitely not by governments. No government should have no holds over your self-worth, as this leads to the oppression of an entire nation.
In government structures with party systems, the use of political shaming is used extensively to further divide people. A prime example is the extreme bipartisanship in the US, with two parties constantly fighting each other instead of working on improving the country.
Both parties understand there is something wrong with our politics, but can’t seem to move past differences and feuds. Shame has once again stopped a society from progressing by separating instead of combining. Bipartisanship has ruined political discourse in the United States, and if people don’t start listening before speaking there may be no return to understanding.
In a world filled with so many cultures and perspectives, it seems completely nonsensical to act this way. Why should people attack differences, instead of learning and appreciating them? It all lies in this need for belonging.
When someone loses their feelings of belonging, they can feel like less of a person. Belonging allows our voices to be seen and heard, and our experiences and emotions to be validated.
Shame destroys someone’s feelings of belonging, as it seeks to eliminate all the support and stability belonging brings us. It forces people into a solitary isolated environment filled with fear and anxiety.
U.S. society is especially keen on using shame for its own benefit. Western attitudes focus heavily on consumerism and trends, which are both heavily rooted in shame. In a society wrought with capitalism and following the latest trend, it seems people are receding back into the cultural waves of the norm instead of breaking free with individuality.
Fewer people want to stand out and more want to blend into what everyone else is doing. In a culture of shame, communities are halted from all progress because existing in the same only leads to more of the same.
Consumerism focuses on the ability to have the newest and greatest thing. If you cannot afford something or do not have regular access to it, then you could be made fun of because of it. The kid with an older iPhone, or the Samsung, or no phone at all. They don’t have the things they should — whatever that means — and are humiliated for it.
If you do not have the right clothing, a nice car or really anything that suggests affluence, you will be shamed. Shaming in school situations is especially prevalent, and so many students struggle with being shamed based on things they have no control over. Where they are from, who they are attracted to, who their parents are and what their socioeconomic status is are all things completely out of the hands of children.
In a country as diverse as the U.S., you would think shame would be less prevalent. However, it seems places that are melting pots exhibit higher levels of shame because of the number of different perspectives and opinions. In a space where multiple cultures and morals are mixed, there is bound to be very high levels of shame and a lack of understanding.
Somehow a weapon used to destroy belonging has also become a tool used to feel like you belong. Putting someone down who deviates from the norm can allow you to fit in with certain crowds, creating yet another device for shame in society.
Shameful societies thrive off of the absence of individuality, and the persistence of cultural norms and ideals. In a society where women should act one way and men should act another, it can be exceptionally easy to put down someone based on their actions.
In the modern age, places like TikTok and Instagram have been pushing more and more shame on their users. So many people post themselves living seemingly perfect lives, causing people to build stronger ideas of the life one should live. This stronger vision of a norm has caused shame to become especially extensive.
Yet one has to break away from this, and remind themselves that this is only hurting others. To make one feel less than is not a right anyone has. No one person can dictate how another person should live, especially if that person is not hurting anyone around them. In a society filled with shame, it is important to remind yourself of who you are, and the world you’d like to live in. Spread acceptance and love instead of shame and hate.
If you find yourself constantly monitoring what you post, or what other people are posting and trying to emulate, try and take a step back. The only life you should be living is one that makes you happy. You cannot live another person’s life, because you are not another person, you are you. And to truly live in a shameful society, you need to love yourself above all else.
