Let’s be honest. Breakups suck. They are not healing, not freeing, not fun and overall painful. While some people may be completely OK after a breakup and recognize it was the best option, they are still grieving the end of the relationship. They are grieving because of the past, not necessarily because they saw a future. Both sides of a breakup are human and OK. Going through a breakup is probably one of the most human experiences anyone can feel. You are mourning someone who is still alive. You had these beautiful and life-changing experiences with a complete stranger who made your world turn for a while. Feeling sad about that and loving someone you had no requirement to love is such a beautiful feeling nobody should regret. 

Breakups in college range from high school sweethearts breaking up because of distance, long-term couples realizing they want something else, situationships turning into realizations they deserve better and every other combination imaginable. The common theme in all breakups is the growing pains and lessons learned. Some may end in a screaming match outside Lily’s at 2 a.m., some end in your childhood bedroom, in your freshman dorm, in your mom’s arms, face-to-face or over text. No matter how they end, good or bad, it is okay to face the fact that you may have thought they were your soulmate at one point. 

The bright side in all this is, hey, you are in college. Time to meet yourself at this moment and be present for who you are, not who anyone expects you to be. You are at such a pivotal time in your life; you might meet your best friends who turn into your bridesmaids or groomsmen. You also get to know yourself. You may have just entered college and never had independence like this. Take advantage of that fact. Do whatever you want, not what anyone else wants you to do. Be you as loud as you can, and never hide your heart. 

You may be the senior who just broke up with their partner after being together for years, the person you dreamt of a life with. You have a right to grieve the relationship you had and the life you could have had. It is so painful, but now you get to start your career and build a strong foundation for your life. You get to be a pillar for yourself for once. You get to meet who this new fully integrated adult is, alone. You get to love yourself. You will start to understand the world spins around you, not them. 

You may be mourning a situationship that never was an exclusive relationship but hurts just the same. If you are that person, you have a right to mourn the relationship you could have had. Do not let anyone tell you to get over it, or it does not hurt as bad because the “what ifs” are just as devastating. 

Now, you need to look in the mirror and realize you are enough and worth it even if they did not think so. They did not see the bravery behind your smile every day or the light you shined on everyone you met. Never let anyone dim that light inside of you. Be that light for yourself; you are the only constant in your life. No matter what situation you have found yourself in. One day, the right person will come around who will see you for all the priceless flaws you have and will never expect you to cover the brightest parts of yourself. For now, remember you are your own soulmate. You are complete by yourself.