Vampire movies have a rich history in Hollywood. The bloodsuckers appear in cinema from all around the world, and have spawned everything from billion-dollar young-adult franchises to serious black-and-white indie movies about “important topics.” Their versatility is a blessing in this respect. Vampires can be used for virtually anything.
However, the vampire’s flexibility is also a curse. With so much vampire stuff out there, it’s nearly impossible to craft a vampire story that feels fresh, original or, most bleakly, exciting.
“Abigail,” the new movie from Radio Silence, the directors of recent horror smashes like “Ready or Not” and the most recent “Scream” films, is as stale as the breath of a centuries-old undead monster.
That shouldn’t be a huge surprise. The movie is part of Universal Studios’ drive in recent years to reimagine their classic 1930s, 40s and 50s Universal Monsters movies, which has been a mixed bag. Tom Cruise’s “The Mummy” performed abysmally at the box office and universally –– heh –– failed to create its own cinematic universe, leading Universal to pivot towards individual, director-led projects. The most successful of these was Leigh Whannell’s terrifying 2020 thriller “The Invisible Man,” which is notable for how it modernized The Invisible Man’s story for a contemporary generation. “Abigail,” adapted from the 1936 “Dracula” sequel “Dracula’s Daughter,” fails to do the same.
The film follows six criminals who are hired to kidnap and ransom a wealthy man’s young daughter. The cast is stacked with talent, including modern scream queens Melissa Barrera, known for her starring turn in the Radio Silence “Scream” films, and Kathryn Newton, star of this year’s cult oddity “Lisa Frankenstein” in addition to the 2020 horror comedy “Freaky.” They’re joined by character actors like Dan Stevens, Kevin Durand and Giancarlo Esposito, rising star Will Catlett and Abigail herself, “Matilda the Musical” star Alisha Weir. The film also serves as a loving eulogy to Angus Cloud, the “Euphoria” actor who passed away in July 2023.
Radio Silence is renowned for their exceptionally gory and often quite funny takes on the horror genre. “Scream VI” is one of the sharpest knives in the horror franchise’s filmography, and their segment in the first of the horror anthology series “V/H/S” is one of two that are remotely worth watching. The point is, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, the Radio Silence filmmakers, know what they’re doing. Between their talents and their cast, “Abigail” should’ve been a slam dunk. Instead, it hits with a sad thump, much like a body on the ground in a Radio Silence film.
Part of the problem is the film’s marketing. The trailer of “Abigail” makes it exceptionally clear that the movie’s little girl is a vampire, the crew of criminals is trapped in a house with it and that there are going to be some fun twists and turns. Fine, great, solid premise. The issue with that marketing strategy is that when the movie it’s attached to takes 50 minutes to reveal that the crew of criminals is trapped in a house with a small vampire child, even though virtually every member of its audience already knows that, dramatic irony becomes draining and boring.
It’s not as though the film is winking at its audience in this respect. “Abigail” reserves that for some tongue-in-cheek jokes about “Twilight” and “True Blood.” The movie gives no indication that Abigail is Dracula’s daughter up to this point. The viewer will not be biting their nails, anxiously awaiting the moment the characters realize that this little girl will be biting their necks. The movie doesn’t seem to realize that its marketing has spoiled its “twist,” so it drags out the vampire turn like it is one. It’s bizarre, frustrating and not entirely the film’s fault, but 50 minutes of a 109-minute film is a long time to hold off on the core premise of a genre flick anyway.
If the cast could carry the material through sheer charm alone, then the vampire wait would be a bit more bearable. However, despite the individual talent of each performer, they never gel into a cohesive whole. There’s a scene early on where the characters are sitting around drinking together. Radio Silence uses this moment to have Angus Cloud and Melissa Barrera’s characters attempt to “read” the rest of the room, making proclamations about each character’s backstory based on the few details they know about each other.
This isn’t “Sherlock Holmes.” It’s “Abigail.”
The scene falls flat because this isn’t a detective story. There is nothing impressive about a character “reading” another when the audience themselves has no relationship to anyone in the scene. It’s exposition, and exposition alone, and until the vampire attacks begin, that’s virtually all the film has to show for itself.
Then, of course, Radio Silence gets into their favorite expression of the horror medium: bloody explosions of bodies in CGI gore tornados.
Explosions and exposition aren’t enough to make an impression. This vampire movie, to use a critic’s cliche, lacks bite.
Rating: 2/5 Yosefs
